Simple but effective for littles: Corn Popper Push Toy
Slightly older kiddos: Tickle Me Elmo
Any age: Glitter glue
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So I hadn’t heard of the death whistle before. Did some quick searches while waiting for queries to finish, some are sold on Amazon. However, someone has uploaded one to thingiverse. Gonna try printing this and see how well it works.
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Now THAT would be fun to use in torturing mall security!
I can’t view the file here at work but does it have a secondary chamber on the inside? Here is a cross cut clay one showing the two chambers. I too went searching for them when I stumbled across it 
I’ll research this afternoon and let you know.
I always thought a beginner’s musical instrument would be a winner.
Snare drum if not a basic drum set
Trumpet or any other from the horn section.
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Flute-a-phones. Not potentially as loud as a trumpet, but much more potential for the Key of Off…
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Recorder
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They get stuck everywhere and run into everything. Great fun.
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I don’t know, could get you a job some day.
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You do realize that recorders are the “gateway drug” to a musical career?
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My house is older and we’re not going to remodel or buy nice furniture with small kids. The only gifts that really bother me are choking hazards, have button batteries that are easy to remove or are things that the kids can hit each other with (toy brooms). Also gum. I really hate having to take toys and candy away because someone gifted something dangerous. 
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I see your recorder shredding and raise you a toy instrument band playing with Metallica and singing “Enter Sandman”
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Or Darude Sandstom played on a toy trumpet
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My ex-husband has gifted me several revenge toys. The latest being a cheap plastic cast horn with honking majesticness from the state fair.
He doesn’t really realize I’m balls to the wall at my house and it doesn’t really matter how loud we get as long as no-one is bleeding.
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Perhaps that’s why y’all split – he didn’t “get” you…
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Send him back with a chicken to care for.
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Nobody really gets me.
I confuse myself most days.
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