HBR: Formula for Changing My Behavior

Off Topic
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This blipped across my screen today.
I joke with friends, family, and colleagues that “what we all need is classes on complaining, and receiving complaints, constructively”. This feels like one of the lessons, and I hope by sharing I will better remember (and practice) the lesson, and maybe help someone else, too.

(Yes, there’s a paywall; when I accessed it states we get 3 free, so…)

TL:DNR (or paywalled):

  1. Identify the problem
  2. State what needs to happen
  3. Offer to help

Implied more than stated: think it through from the other person’s point of view before acting at all; remove emotion to the greatest extent possible, especially anger.

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You joke, but I’ve had (and taught) classes on very much similar topics. And it’s really hard, since our instinctual brains don’t change terribly quickly. Frameworks like this tend to help (I tend to use Crucial Conversations), and it’s really really important to learn, especially if you manage people (small or adult).

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And for those who have reached their limit, the PDF attached of this article
feedback fallacy.pdf (869 KB)

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We had training classes on this at American Express. As you can imagine, being defensive about complaints there does not go over well.

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That is an amazing article and reinforces my own experience raising three children. We can “correct” to average, but must “inspire” to see excellence.

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