Mr. Eli Fant, a close friend of board candidate Stan D. Roid, was killed in an alleged industrial accident last night at the Dallas Makerspace. He was well known as a comforting presence in the break room, even though no one talked about him. Security cameras captured the incident.
Eli was of Asian descent and a devout Buddhist. His remains will be donated to the Better Ford Recycling Center in Tuskaloosa, AL, where it is hoped he will be rein-car-nated as a mustang.