Passive-aggressive complaints

Continuing the discussion from Mouser Donation 2018:

I’m not going to further clutter up the Mouser Donation thread with this reply.

The term passive-aggressive does not apply in this context. I am openly questioning the wisdom of using Mouser donation $$$ to buy something which will, in all likelihood, will sit on a shelf after the newness has worn off. A passive-aggressive person would not have openly done this.

Please don’t use terms incorrectly, especially one so insulting to me. If I don’t like something, you aren’t going to have to guess as to what it that something is. I’ll tell you.

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I think the reason that you’re being interpreted as passive aggressive is because it’s not clear why you would criticize the donation of a cool toy.

Is it necessary? Maybe not, but the same could be said of a lot of things at DMS and you never know when it might be useful in the future.

It just sounded like you were kind of upset about a donation that didn’t come out of anyone’s budget, so the reaction seemed a bit disproportionate.

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This certainly seems like a cynical view of the situation and there was no example given on what the better use would be, even though you believe there was. That’s pretty text book passive aggressive. Had you simply stated your complaints as you are in this thread, instead of questioning the usefulness of the item and the competency of the volunteers who handled this donation I would have seen it as just another notch in TALK’s “every thread must have a disagreement” belt.

It might be that my interpretation of your comments were incorrect but my use of the term “passive aggressive”, is correct based on that interpretation. I’ll take my own advice from the post you quoted and be done with it. It’s asinine to continue wasting any further time with this.

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Just curious, can you cite a textbook definition of passive aggressive behavior?

I can provide you with 40 years of stories of growing up with my mom…that’s enough passive aggressive proof you need…boooyaaaaa.

That was a high quality joke people, high quality

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“not clear (on) why” has no bearing on whether something is PA or not.

Neither does cynicism levels.

PA is “resistance w/o confrontation”, to sum it up in three-ish words.

I don’t think anyone has (ever) accused zmetzinger of avoiding a confrontation.

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Sure, but is this discussion really about the definition of passive aggressive?

I think it’s more about tone and respect.

Some people use passive aggressive to describe non-direct hostility, and honestly I didn’t understand why he was being a curmudgeon about a free infrared scope so I’m not surprised his comments were described as passive aggressive.

It seems like I see passive aggressive increasingly used to describe behaviors that are overtly aggressive, which I don’t believe is the correct use. The definition of passive aggressive that I learned was more in line with civil disobedience than how it is often being used lately. Classic passive aggression would be to agree to clean your room, but never actually do it. Or tell your boss that you were working on that report, but never actually do it. Those still seem to be in the current definition, though it appears that the backhanded compliment is now included, as it is a put down hidden in a positive worded message.

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passive aggressive is bitching about the job a volunteer is doing, rather than campaigning against them and taking over their responsibilities

passive aggressive is campaigning against a volunteer and trying to usurp their responsibilities rather than just bitching about the job they are doing to try and help them be best.

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no see that would be actual aggressive

did anyone ask for “help to be best”? eye beam all that

You’re right. Same with your statement. I thought maybe this was national “say obviously wrong statements” day and you were taking part…I just didn’t want you to feel you were celebrating by yourself. Because I care.

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Very interesting … I didn’t think about this … I’ve been using the wrong definition as well.

from “In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People”

Covert and passive-aggression are both indirect ways to aggress but they’re most definitely not the same thing. Passive-aggression is, as the term implies, aggressing though passivity. Examples of passive-aggression are playing the game of emotional “get-back” with someone by resisting cooperation with them, giving them the “silent treatment,” pouting or whining, not so accidentally “forgetting” something they wanted you to do because you’re angry and didn’t really feel like obliging them, etc. In contrast, covert aggression is very active, albeit veiled, aggression. When someone is being covertly aggressive, they’re using calculating, underhanded means to get what they want or manipulate the response of others while keeping their aggressive intentions under cover.

Simply put: covert aggressives want to be bad while looking good.

My question is when it isn’t on the surface intentional, but part of you is angry and you are coming up valid things but you are bringing them up because you are angry and they are the things that will cause the most pain, what is it called? Is that unconscious-covert-aggression?

All sounds like Psycho Babble to me…:weary:

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Childishness? Immaturity. DMSing?

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Oh wow! This just came full circle w/ another thread about calling certain folks “children”.
OK Children. Time to stop and do something productive…

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Are you saying that psychology and philosophy are not productive?

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Psycho Babble
What part of this are failing to grasp??

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Ether you just want to shut down the conversation because you don’t like talking that deeply into psychology or you are saying that something I said is false/misleading and that I don’t know what I’m talking about. Either way you are not being specific with your argument.

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